The First Marathon I Never Ran

And How It Helped Me Beat Procrastination and Pass the P.E. Exam

I spent the summer before my senior year of High School running every night, after sunset, while most my friends were getting into trouble, and then rewarding myself with ice cream.  One evening, my classmate drove up alongside me as I was running up the biggest hill on the route, rolled down his window, and yelled: “Hey man, why are you running?” I was startled to see him and stumped by the immediacy of his question.  “I don’t know,” I shot back through labored breathing, and he sped away. But the question still gnawed at me.

Neither the short term possibility of guilt-free dessert nor the incremental fitness accumulated before the upcoming basketball season was a satisfying rationale for my nightly 4-mile jaunt.  Maybe I ran for the feeling of accomplishment that followed. Or maybe it was a quiet rebellion against my peers who were experimenting with substances, and an effort to channel my energy into a constructive outlet.  Maybe I had an inkling that my addictive personality had the potential to carry me down a terrifying path, and I ran to clear my head of such dark thoughts.

In any case, I kept running, even though I didn’t have a clear answer.  I ran a half marathon before graduating high school. As a college freshman, I continued my routine, and made friends with other runners, most of whom surpassed me in natural ability.  Encouraged by my apparent level of fitness and consistent training, I made the bold but perhaps naive decision to run a full marathon.

I didn’t tell anyone my goal or register for a race, but I made a schedule.  I researched training plans and mapped out the next 16 weeks of workouts. I created a detailed calendar with the dates and distances that would produce the required fitness for a successful marathon.  I posted it prominently on the wall above my computer.

And then something unexpected happened, something I’m only starting to make sense of now, 14 years later.  I completely stopped running.  I lost all momentum.  I didn’t get injured or sick.  I didn’t get busy with schoolwork. I wasn’t distracted by a girlfriend.  And I didn’t party so much as to interfere with training.

I.  Just.  Didn’t.  Run.

I missed the first workout, and then the second.  Then I was behind, and that didn’t feel good. It wasn’t fun anymore.  After a couple weeks, my whole training schedule was at risk, and as any endurance athlete will tell you, corrective action is much better tolerated at the beginning of a training plan when the workouts are relatively short, especially when you already have a solid fitness base.  Piling the miles on later in the program is a recipe for a dreadful race experience or an injury. (This is akin to last minute cramming for an exam!)

So what does my failed attempt to train for a marathon have to do with becoming a Professional Engineer?

Enter the Boss and the Employee.  These two characters live within each us and often have a sub-optimal working relationship.  

Think about someone you work well with.  Why does it work? Whether it is your boss or one of your direct reports, I’m willing to bet that you regard one another as people you have to negotiate with.  As a manager of people, you cannot be a tyrant, repeatedly cracking the whip, and expect your team to produce thoughtful output on a continual basis. And as an employee, you cannot over commit yourself and then procrastinate because you are overwhelmed.  Fundamentally, most of us understand how to set and manage reasonable expectations in the workplace, recognizing the proper way to relate to our colleagues within our respective roles.

However, when it comes to negotiating within ourselves, specifically, our internal Boss and Employee, we sometimes come up short.  When managing ourselves, we can be overbearing and unrealistic as bosses.  And when it comes to working for ourselves, we will dawdle, make excuses, and pledge to do it later.  The future-oriented boss expects the employee to sacrifice recreation and freedom in the present. The present-oriented employee has little regard for the future and wants to feel good now.  The key is to realize that both roles are within us and are subjects for our observation and scrutiny if we are willing to look. What you discover might be disappointing or even painful, but the potential reward is that you gain a real sense of ownership and responsibility for what you produce (or fail to produce), and with that comes the full entitlement to enjoy your leisure time free of guilt.  This psychological balance is only possible when the Boss and the Employee are pulling in the same direction.

My former 18 year old self, the casual runner, was the Employee.  The impulse to run arose in the moment, seemingly from nowhere, and was acted upon right then and there.  There was always freedom not to run, but I usually chose to do it because I wanted the immediate rewards. It was the Boss who made the marathon training schedule, and that felt good because the Boss loves planning.  However, it did not account for the day to day experience of the Employee. The version of me that was going to have to lace up and put down hundreds of miles didn’t buy in.  Looking back through this lens, the resulting sabotage seems inevitable.

How can you strike a better balance between Boss and Employee in your approach to studying for the P.E. Exam?  Are you spending too much time making the plan and charting your progress, and not enough time struggling through practice problems?  Are you diving into the books, reading whatever seems most interesting, indulging in topics you’re already proficient in, and haphazardly doing whatever feels good instead of what matters?  Are you avoiding studying rather than figuring out what you need to do. If you are not studying enough, ask yourself why. Really ask yourself. Is it because you know what you need to do but the workload is overwhelming?  If so, realize that putting it off makes the problem exponentially worse. Or do you honestly not know where to begin? Who could you talk to that would help you develop a plan? (If you’re reading this you have a starting point.)  Saying you haven’t started because you don’t have a plan is an excuse. You know this. Is there a possibility you aren’t really sure you want to become a Professional Engineer, and that you are dabbling, assessing hypothetically what it would take if you were to go for it.

Which brings us to the next key insight: Know Your Why.  Why do you want to become a Professional Engineer? Are you hoping to open new doors in your career, in order to be promoted, or to take a new role?  Is it about increasing your status and credibility? Are you chasing clout with others, or are you proving to yourself that you can put your head down and do something that requires substantial effort?  Are you genuinely interested in increasing your knowledge and skills to complement your experience in order to become a better engineer? Take the time to be precise in your reasons. It has been said that when you truly know your ‘Why’, the ‘How’ will naturally follow.

Of course you need a plan.  Of course you need the right resources.  (Like the ones on this site.) Of course you need good old fashioned hard work and perseverance.

But you can have all of those and still fail.  The marathon I never ran is the case in point. I made the plan, had the resources, and was already working hard.  What I was missing was the ‘Why.’ It turns out that reasons like: “Oh, wouldn’t it be neat if I ran a marathon…” are not a source of lasting motivation.  Studying for the P.E. is an endurance event, and when you’re 50 hours into it and can’t yet see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re going to need a better reason than: “It would be neat if I became a P.E.”

Once you have your Boss and Employee on the same page and you know your big Why, there are two more things you should do that will dramatically increase your chances of success.  

At the risk of sounding obvious: Apply for the Exam.  Applying makes it real. You are committing to the process before you fully understand the nature and scale of the challenges that will arise.  The application is a project in and of itself. It takes a substantial investment of time, which, at first may seem onerous, but is actually a blessing in disguise because you will feel invested in your future self.  This will compel you to study hard. Candidates routinely express dread at the thought of having to take the exam twice. Knowing the test date looms in the future produces a subtle mental shift that keeps you moving.

Second, make it publicly known that you are pursuing your P.E. license.  There is a double benefit to this. Your friends, family, and colleagues will ask you about it.  That’s accountability, and it is a proven strategy for doing anything hard. Second, these are the people that will support you in ways you may not realize right now.  Perhaps your colleague helps you figure out a confusing problem at the end of a long workday. Your partner cooks dinner so you can spend an extra hour at the library. Your friends gets used to making social plans early on Friday nights so you can hit the books Saturday morning.  Your parents watch the kids on Sunday afternoons to give you a large block of time. These are not trivial acts and an undertaking of this magnitude requires integrating with the fabric of your day to day life. Life does not stop coming at your simply because you registered for a test.  The importance of support can hardly be overstated.

Six years after my false start as a hopeful marathoner, I completed the New York City marathon.  I had a good training plan, but it didn’t go perfectly, and I didn’t always stick to it. I was gentle with myself when I missed a workout due to sickness, minor injury, or pure laziness.  I tried not to miss two in a row. I learned what it means to be flexible, to bend but not break. I knew my big Why: I wanted to do something I previously thought was impossible, then repeat the formula in other areas of my life.  I registered early, and I told my family, friends, and colleagues what I was doing and why I was doing it. I was raising money for charity with a team, which made it impossible to conceal my goal, and created another group for extra support and accountability.  I set up structures that made success inevitable. And I created a valuable reference for the P.E. study process I would commence four years later.

I hope that you will find examples of success in your own personal narrative to call upon as you prepare, and that the pursuit of your engineering license will be a further stepping stone not only in your professional credentials, but in your personal growth as well.